Date #3: OK Fine Sex
Everything is almost regular again
I know I said only a week ago that flirting was fun again, but I burned through that like a copy of Spare. Once you get back into the rhythm of checking dating apps, replying to texts and actually going out to meet people, the thrill goes quickly. In fact, friends quickly pointed out that one date a week was actually pretty low for me. Hell, in my twenties, I used to stack multiple dates into a day. I saw a woman do this on Tiktok and people were VERY angry with her as though this were a new thing she invented, but people across the gender spectrum have been doing this for centuries.
At the end of the day, dating is a numbers game. Whether you’re monogamous and want to meet “the one” or you’re poly and want to meet your perfect ‘cule, it all starts with getting out there. And, let’s be real, there’s some truth to that whole “when you know you know” thing. I can tell pretty quickly whether or not I vibe with someone, so if we’re getting to a point where I want to meet in person? I’m really giving you a shot! Figuring out someone isn’t for me over a cocktail isn’t a waste of time. I’ve wasted whole months in relationships that weren’t for me!
Anyway, Date #3 and I met on Hinge. A rare win for this app that I only started using in the last year. I still think Hinge is an app for normie monogamous people who are afraid of dying alone and will do anything to settle, but some of those people are attractive. Usually when I meet up with Hinge people, they’ve never heard of Feeld and have somehow ignored the “solo poly/enm” in my profile. Or, they absolutely read it, know that I’m not for them long-term, but they want to get laid before their next unfulfilling monogamous fling. In this case, it was absolutely that. A week of charming banter gave me high hopes, but fifteen minutes into meeting IRL, the paint-by-numbers picture of it all was way too clear!
You can tell when a guy has watched some Youtube video that tells them: Ask a girl exactly 3 questions, buy her exactly 3 drinks, repeat exactly 3 things she said back to her and invite her back to your place where you will pump 3 times fast/3 times slow and then you’ll follow her on Insta, like every 3rd pic she posts and never talk again.
I don’t know, I guess at a time when everyone is listening to like, the same 10 people for internet dating advice, this happens on both sides of the gender spectrum. This is the sterile, manufactured part of dating I think some of us feel right now. Anyway, this person told me they listen to a lot of relationship expert types. I went, “Oh, like Andrew Tate?” and they said, “No, I don’t like that guy, he just uses clout and gives bad advice.” Well, that’s one reason not to like that guy, I guess.
I think dating is mechanic and sterile if you let it be. You can stack up multiple dates or just have one a week, but it’s harder to genuinely make a connection with someone if you go into it wanting one thing from them (sex.) Once it’s clear that someone put me into that box, it’s pretty easy for me to put them into that box too. Like I said, I’m solo poly, I’m happy to meet people on their terms. I go into all of my dates with an open mind. I could meet my new best friend. A wife. My new favorite long-distance hook-up. Who knows! In this case, I met my next forgettable one night stand.
We did watch the movie Bodies Bodies Bodies and I gotta say: it was great! I missed the ending, but loved what I saw. I’m not ranking these dates in terms of good or bad. I’m doing this to restore my faith in people. To reignite my spark in humanity and remember there are people worth meeting that I don’t already know. Under those KPIs, this was a success. I left my house after a rainstorm. I drove to SANTA MONICA. I gave someone who didn’t even smoke weed a shot! Baby, that is giving it a real try. That’s a genuine attempt to expand the limits of my heart.